Amelia's Too-True Horoscopes


Just like the amazing Professor Trelawny Amelia's inner eye is inconsistent at best.

Though it has now been years (and years and years) since we were able to update this page, Bug has been able to predict the future from the very beginning. Of course, most of her predictions were "you are going to feed me now," "you will get no sleep tonight," and "I see lots of dirty diapers in my future."

So sit back, relax, and give up your free-will. Amelia knows all. Amelia sees all. Amelia got to chew on all but now she's bigger and pretty much stopped all that nonsense..

Your Future as of March 30, 2006

Pisces: Feb 19 - Mar 20
Your stash of Girl Scout cafe cookies will be depleated by evil spirits and not, as you first suspect, by your daughters eating them even though they've been told to leave them alone.

Aries: Mar 21 - Apr 19
An iPod can not bring you inner peace. Only by freeing yourself of the wires and ear-buds of modern cares can you truely experience that which is divine. But don't just throw it away; send your "pod" to me and I will see that it is dealt with.

Taurus: Apr 20 - May 20
Playing in the mud is good fun at any age. Trust me on this.

Gemini: May 21 - June 20
I predict you will continue to be dissapointed with your horoscope.

Cancer: June 21 - July 22
Life is like a hamster... interesting, quick, and a bit disturbing when it turns its freaky black eyes on you.

Leo: July 23 - Aug 22
If you have a boat... go out on the ocean. If you have a pony... ride it on your bouat. And whatever you do, don't try to figure out why your parents listen to such weird songs.

Virgo: Aug 23 - Sept 22
Picking up dog-poop is the price one pays for getting a dog. Especially if one's Dad didn't want a dog in the first place and doesn't like dogs... even dogs that "don't suck too bad" like Max. So get a bag and get out there if you want your allowance.

Libra: Sept 23 - Oct 21
The years go by so fast. Don't you think you should be taking your daughters out for ice-cream more often?

Scorpio: Oct 22 - Nov 21
If, at bedtime, you continue to ask Dad "will monsters eat me tonight?" and he continues to answer "no, monsters will eat your sister" and you both continue to laugh like that's funny then you are going to get a Build-a-bear stuffed up your nose.

Sagittarius: Nov 22 - Dec 21
Get some crayons and draw a rainbow. Now draw another one. Use up a whole pad of paper. Trust me, it will feel good.

Capricorn: Dec 22 - Jan 19
I want to go to the mall and you are going to take me.

Aquarius: Jan 20 - Feb 18
The candy in the bulk-bin might look yummy, but it's a good idea to ask someone what it tastes like before putting a big scoop of it in your bag. Especially if your Dad, the meanest Dad in the whole wide world, only lets you pick four kinds.


Most psychics are too chicken to do this, but you can see what Amelia warned you would happen on the "Past Predictions and Prognostications" Page.

You want more links? Why? Don't you believe Amelia?

Be very careful, many who doubt have suffered terribly

Ok, if you must have a link, here's one...

Free Animated Clipart The animated zodiac symbols are from The Animation Factory. Check it out.

Return to the WideWaterFilms Homepage.